Archive for October 12th, 1999

You’re Never Too Old

When you start getting older and pissed off at everyone, don’t let anyone tell you you’re too old to start killing people. Take Ben Collier for example.

A 103-year-old man, apparently vexed at being yelled at, opened fire on his 45-year-old grandson, injuring him, police said today.

The grandson had complained about the condition of the apartment he was renting from Ben. Ben didn’t like that one bit. I have an unconfirmed report that he was quoted as saying, “You think it’s dirty? I’ll show you dirty, bitch.” Whereupon he opened fire with a large-caliber handgun, hitting the grandson several times. Police arrived quickly to find Ben standing over his grandson trying to load a rifle. Another unconfirmed quote has him saying, “I just wanted to finish that dirty bitch off.”

It seems Ben was a celebrated WWI veteran and somewhat of a hero in the town. In an interview not long ago, he (actually) did say this,

“I can’t get over how bad the children are these days,” Collier told the newspaper. “They’d just as soon kill you as look at you. I can remember how we used to sleep out in the yard in the summer without a care in the world, and you can’t do that now.”

Yeah, Ben.
Source: APBnews

Gopher Man

A new generation of crime has been born. A technique has been discovered by criminals which allows them to mutate into the animal of their choice to elude capture by authorities. A chinese man named Lu was able to master the art of gopher transformation. He was wanted for 12 years for the theft of some money. The police had searched his home many times before finally noticing something strange about a particular closet.

They moved it and found Lu hiding in a three-foot hole he had dug underneath the closet.

The newspaper said he had used the hole as a hiding place for 12 years, emerging
occasionally at night.

Unfortunately, Lu managed to revert back to human form before authorities were able to gain any insight into how he managed the transformation. Investigations are still underway.
Source: Excite