Today happens to be my birthday. Great! At least I get a nice feast that I can pretend 289 million people cooked for me. Well, you can send me a birthday e-card or something. That’ll work if you can’t send me a ham.
Happy turkey day to you though. When else do I get to see the messed up aunt that eats raw butter with her bare hands and falls asleep at the dinner table. Good times, good times.