I dropped my cell phone in the toilet. Haha, oops.
Archive for December, 2002
I heard a story the other day about a guy who has trouble holding in his urine. Sometimes he’ll have to go really bad and despite his best efforts to hold it in, it still comes out. It feels like it’s held, but it’s not. Your initial reaction may be, “Hah, what a weirdo.” But, wait. He has a good reason. I won’t go into details, but he was in an accident that caused some damage to that area. He had a catheter in place for six months. So, I suppose that’s a good reason for having some leakage occasionally.
But, my point is this. Suppose you did just have a problem holding in your urine. Suppose you wet your bed all of the time as a kid and never really learned how to hold it. Suppose you still do wet your bed all of the time, and sometimes your pants, too. People, friends, family are bound to find out. What do you tell them? Of course you don’t say, “I’m just a weirdo that never learned how to pinch off my piss.” You make up some elaborate story about how you “injured” yourself and now your ability to pinch is hindered. The more elaborate the better. That way they’ll remember what happened more than your condition.
You’ve all heard of road head. You’ve all seen it. You’ve hopefully all received (or given) it. Well, yesterday I had the utmost pleasure of witnessing some nice parking lot head. I was coming back from the gym. There was a truck idling diagonally across three spots in the parking lot. I’m not looking too carefully, but I dont see anyone in there at first. Then, I think I see a dog. It looks like it’s sitting in the driver’s seat jumping around happily. When I get to the front of the truck, I take another quick glance. I see the head bobbing, the hair flying, the seat reclined. Oh yes, it’s lot head, apparently very enthusiastic head. I look away and go home.
For those looking, the song in the new VW Beetle Convertible Commercial is Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra. It’s from their 1977 album Out Of The Blue.
I didn’t state that in my other post, leaving it to the link to explain it, but now I’ll make it more obvious.
And again, you can find the commercial here. Just click on “See The Commercial.”
As you can see above, the countdown has begun. Just over 48 days until I’m cruisin’ the streets again. It’s been a horrible, confusing and very frustrating experience thus far. I only hope this one part works out.
I just cut myself a big slice of triple chocolate birthday cake and took a nice big bite, nearly completed swallowing it but then started to gag. The cake was all moldy inside! It’s only been four days and it’s moldy already?! What kind of cruel joke is this? Taught me a lesson for life though: sometimes when you go to eat your birthday cake four days later it’ll be moldy inside and you’ll get a mouthful of nasty moldy cake, ruining everything. Uhm, wait a second. Well anyway, Iím still gagging, going to wash my mouth out again.
This weekend was so broken. All of the grand plans went straight down the toilet. Just like the healthy craps I’m almost able to have. The plans consisted of a party Friday, a Keoki show Saturday, a birthday party taking place the entire weekend and anything else that would fit in.
All the disappointment started Friday. I was visiting my grandpa because he wasn’t able to make Thanksgiving with every one else on Thursday. On the way back from his house, I learn the party in Detroit got cancelled. This wasn’t all bad, as I was considering other things for the night, but it still manages to capture the theme of the weekend. After learning of the cancellation, I begin the backup plan preparations. But, uh-oh, I’m unable to reach anybody. I’m left with leaving messages and waiting. And waiting. Waiting. I hang out at my parent’s house until they get sick of me sitting there.
This is getting long. I’ll make it shorter. We didn’t make it to the Keoki show because of weather and my inability to drive myself anyfuckinwhere. I didn’t make it to any of the birthday party because I can’t drive myself anyfuckinwhere and all of my friends are either lazy, unreachable or too far away. I didn’t leave my house from Friday night to now, aside from a trip to the dumpster and the gym. This is what I did do: Murder By Numbers, classic boxing matches, Die Hard 2, two football games, It Could Happen To You, SNL, a couple of Elvis movies, Species, Tremors and some other extremely memorable things that I can’t remember.
It was just the best ever.