My girlfriend (you remember Cylindria) hit a possum last night. She was on the phone when it happened. I’m scared riding with her when she’s driving while on the phone. I guess possums should be, too.
But, she didn’t do a very thorough job. The possum wasn’t dead. And when I get home, she’s freaking out. Saying “the possum looked at me”, “it’s hurt! it’s trying to crawl around” and “I don’t know what to do!”. Ugh.
So, I do what I guess is the right thing to do. I grab a shovel, tell her to stay there and head back to scene. When I get there, it’s moved a few feet off of the road. I pace around for a minute, trying to figure out what to do.
I start freaking out a bit. I call some people for some tips on what to do with an injured animal. One person says, “it’s hard to kill an animal.” That doesn’t help me. Pictures of a guy bashing an undying animal in the head over and over flash through my mind. Someone else, perhaps who I trust a bit more for an issue like this, says, “yeah, a shovel to the head will kill it.” That’s a bit more encouraging.
I have to work now. To be continued…
Just because no one replied to this thread does not mean you are not morally obligated to finish the story!
I mean come on this was easily the best update in months; I want to hear how you dug a shallow hole to hold the opossum’s head in place, then lined up the shovel blade with its neck and jumped down on it with all your might. That’s what I would have done anyway!
(Either that or just scooped up it up and flung it away from the road where she couldn’t see it anymore, into the woods or a passing truck or something, then gone home and been all like, "aww baby don’ choo worry ’bout a thing, daddy took care of that lil ‘possum, he musta been just playin’ dead cuz I came up to him to work my healin’ magic but he just done got up and scampered right off before I could, now how ’bout you and me head up to bed and I’ll give you a lil first hand demonstration of my ‘healing touch’.")
Edit: "Awwwwww, yeeah."
Addendum: [url]http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1085173[/url]
OMG. I can’t read that forum. Like, save the page and put it somewhere. Or send me your login info. Or something else.