Not a good weekend

On Saturday I went swimming with my expensive camera phone. On Sunday lightning struck my house and blew up two computers, a laser copy/fax machine and a few other things. On Monday I was carrying some Sam Adam’s Cream Stout and the bottom gave out and I broke a bottle. Beer was everywhere. I think I’m going to cry.

3 Responses to “Not a good weekend”


  1. 1 jgillam

    I might have a degree in engineering but in no way does this give me the super powers of an auto mechanic. Apparently this weekend I thought so though.

    I decided being a fairly knowledgeable person about machines and mechanisms it was about time for me to learn how to change my own oil at the age of 25. Since I was changing my oil I thought "why not change the spark plugs and air filter too". This is where I should have immediately stopped thinking.

    Sunday – 5:00pm
    I changed the oil filter and air filter like a pro, done in just a few minutes. Next it was on to changing the spark plugs. Now, no one ever told me that you weren’t supposed to change spark plugs on a car with aluminum heads while the heads were still hot. Not only does it burn your fingers, but occasionally a plug will get stuck in the head and break off under the extreme torque. This is just what happened. So me being the bright person "I thought I was", I decided to go to the Home Depot and buy an easy-out to try to extract the left over plug body.

    Sunday 7:00pm
    In my attempt at spark plug removal surgery I managed to shear off the easy-out inside of the plug, thus creating a high-carbon steel barrier that no drill bit could penetrate. Knowing that it was going to cost a lot of money to remedy this catastrophe, my girlfriend’s brother suggested the thrifty idea of just replacing the head on my car myself. I figured "a car can’t have  too many parts right?". WRONG!!!

    Sunday 9:00pm
    I started ripping the head off my car on Sunday night at about 9:00pm. By about 11:00pm I had every major peripheral under the hood either disconnected or removed. It looked like a twisted mess of wires and metal. I was beginning to get really frustrated/worried/angry/tired/cranky/hungry; I didn’t know if I could even remember where to put everything back. In the process of gutting my car, I tore two hoses in half and sheared off a head bolt in my engine block. NOT GOOD! Now I was facing replacing the engine block, the head and a bunch of hoses. It was time to call it a night.

    Monday 8:30am
    I called all the local shops and explained my night of misfortune, pleading for mercy, and asked how much it would cost to finally rid my self of this misery. Most shops told me I should just replace the whole F@%$*&G engine. Others told me that it was going to cost an extra $1000.00 because the car was already apart and it was going to be like putting a jig saw puzzle back together for them.

    I decided that I had two options. Either, put it back together “the best that I could” and take it to a shop to fix or continue to break my car in a hopeless attempt to get it working again. I chose the latter.

    Monday 3:00pm
    I picked up my used engine block from “Georges Junk”. My girlfriend’s dad wouldn’t even get out of the car. The junk yard looked like a scene out of a really bad movie, you know, like Deliverance or Wrong Turn. The people there did too. I don’t even know if a single person there had more then five teeth in their mouth.

    Monday 5:00pm
    My friend Adam, hearing about all the fun I was having, decided to come over and lend a hand. After peering under my hood he gave a short chuckle and asked what the hell I got myself into. He and I worked until 12:00am in the morning.

    Tuesday 12:00AM
    We “finished” the assembly of my engine. Of course there was the proverbial box of left over parts. It was time to try it out anyway. I turned the key and the engine turned over. THE D@&N CAR DIDN”T START!

    Tuesday 12:05AM
    Grammar threw in the towel…

    Lesson learned: If you havn’t ever even attempted changing your own oil, don’t even think about rebuilding your engine!

  2. 2 wojo

    That’s an okay "story" but damn dude, I lost an entire beer.  THINK ABOUT THAT. Kind of makes everything else seem insignificant, huh?

  3. 3 Ralp

    you owe me a new floor because i rolled on mine lollin’

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